i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
