im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
