you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
