dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
