I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
