For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
