You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
