She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
