I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
