Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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