actually, I'm a sock model
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
