How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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