Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
