Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
