PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
