Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
