SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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