I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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