if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
