Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
