It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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