He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
