like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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