please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
