im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
