I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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