oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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