New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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