the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
