Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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