I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
