he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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