A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
