it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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