6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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