Porn is love you can see.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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