It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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