No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
