So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
