i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
