Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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