omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
