never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
