We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
