The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
