Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
