You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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