he puts the penis in happiness.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
