i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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