I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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