Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
