And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
