dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
