I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
