just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
