I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
