i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
