Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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